


once upon a time

by moominsmp3



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Making Out, Mention of drinking, Na Jaemin/Park Jisung - Freeform, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:33:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21718480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moominsmp3/pseuds/moominsmp3
Summary: this is a fairy tale that starts with a ‘once upon a time,’ but does not end with a ‘happily ever after.’
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno
Comments: 11
Kudos: 30
Collections: ’00 FIC FEST: ROUND ONE





	once upon a time

**Author's Note:**

> #0039  
> chose this prompt because i loved angst (oh, i still surely do) but apparently i'm capable of being cheesy and getting butterflies from my own writings as well  
> although i felt like i've given up halfway, i hope you still manage to enjoy this fic.  
> writing this made me realize my procrastination is worse than it actually is.  
> thank you for the prompt <3 this was challenging but fun

this is a fairy tale that starts with a ‘once upon a time,’ but does not end with a ‘happily ever after.’

renjun likes telling himself he’s been in love with donghyuck first.

he likes making up these stories he reads in his mind at night when everyone else is asleep and the time has seemed to have come to a stop. he’s alone with himself and his thoughts, which he considers dangerous because his thoughts are endless, they are not aware of the word ‘boundary’. 

they are fearless, brave, senseless, painful; they are unrealistic. fake. a beautiful lie.  
these tales… they don’t have a happy ending.

these stories start with a ‘once upon a time,’ but it never ends with a ‘happily ever after’. in fact, it doesn’t even have an ending.

<3

renjun's 'once upon a time' starts when he meets a boy who makes his heart shake in his chest dangerously, make his hands sweat and his cheeks flushed. 

_"hi," the boy says in a small voice which makes him seem timid and fragile, but the way he carries himself begs to differ. it was interesting and it made renjun curious about a boy who had a small voice but a captivating aura."i'm donghyuck, also known as haechan."_

_he reaches his hand out with a welcoming smile plastered on his face, and renjun feels his chest getting tighter by the second but he ignores it and reaches out to shake his hand. "i'm renjun."_

_renjun doesn't know what's happening but he swears he could collapse on the ground at this second. is donghyuck some kind of alien? is he some extraterrestrial being who's surprisingly too gorgeous and breathtaking? why does he feel this way?_

_he decides to lock this feeling behind a door in his heart (which isn't a great idea) and he throws the key away in hopes it would not open forever._

_donghyuck unlatches his hand from renjun’s, opens his mouth to say something, but it’s immediately shut when a foreign voice calls for him. “donghyuck!” he whips his head back, and renjun follows where the sound came from. there’s a boy, skinny and maybe around 14 or 15, the same age as renjun’s._

_renjun glances at donghyuck and he notices how his smile instantly got bigger, wider, brighter. he might go blind from how much he shone. he feels his heart hurt, and the feeling that he locked in seems to be knocking on the door, and it gets louder by the second that passes, sterner and harder the longer he looks at him._

_his gaze then directs to the boy that called for donghyuck and he feels his heart calm, but his blood boil._

_if renjun’s feelings could look like a person, it would look like this boy who’s obviously infatuated. his eyes are shining, his cheeks are sprinkled with red and the smile on his face can’t be missed; anyone who looks at him would know in a minute that his heart belongs to someone ultimately._

_it makes renjun so, so mad._

_“jeno!”_

<3

it's been four years since then, and renjun's heart still belongs to the one and only lee donghyuck.

of course, that changes nothing at all. 

jeno is still undeniably in love with donghyuck and it seems luck favoured him, and now they have the keys to each other's hearts.

renjun's on the couch, a book in hand which he takes absolutely no interest to but there's been no schedules whatsoever and being on his phone has been a bore, so he resorted to reading even if he isn't fond of it.

there's a mug on the table, filled with tea to the brim and it's shimmering in the light that passes through the windows. the scent is pleasant, setting the mood and makes him feel calm while the sound of soft breathing and vehicles outside can be the only things heard.

renjun breathes, he's free. 

nothing can ruin a scene of peace like this and he truly wishes this would last a lifetime; being free of negativity and thoughts that make his heart physically hurt; being free of thoughts, being free of donghyuck. 

every time he thinks of something specific; a place, an object, a name, a song… it always leads back to his one and only: donghyuck. it's tooth achingly sweet, but when his love is one-sided, it's bitter. it's so, so bitter it makes you want to puke- that's how he feels on a daily basis. every second, every minute, every hour, the ticking of a clock is deafening.

he inhales his freedom, letting it soak in, afraid that it might end soon. 

and it does.

as if on cue of his thought, he hears a door click and footsteps, instantly groaning internally. if you can't recognize each other's footsteps under a household, is it really a family? 

the footsteps are sadly familiar and the owner drags their feet lazily towards their destination, it's extremely irritating and renjun is seconds away from confronting the latter, but he chooses to ignore it in hopes he would go away.

renjun's last straw breaks when he hears glass shatter, and he can’t stand the noise anymore so he snaps his head back and yells, “jeno!” his eyebrows are furrowed at him and there’s an ugly frown on his face, already building up the courage to yell at him for being so clumsy.

his courage falters as quick as he built it, immediately crumbling when he sees jeno. 

jeno looks lifeless. he looks like a zombie and renjun would giggle at him if this was some sort of light matter but as of right now, he knows why he looks so exhausted. there’s bags under jeno’s pretty eyes and he’s nowhere near bright; he looks dull and colourless- that.. that’s not jeno.  
that’s not the lee jeno he knows. 

renjun has always had a deep pit in his heart and it was feelings of pure hatred towards jeno, and he despised it, praying to a god he doesn’t believe in that it would miraculously disappear one day.

but, renjun’s not dumb. he’s not stupid. he knows this disgusting emotion won’t go away until and unless he falls out of love with donghyuck and he knows his heart won’t let go of donghyuck’s so easily. after all, it’s been 4 years.

there’s a big part of renjun that hates jeno, but for some unknown fucking reason, his love and adoration towards him overpowers the hate he has for him. who in this unfair world would hate lee jeno? he’s the definition of appreciation, a cupid in the making, the entirety of love itself. he puts others happiness before his and renjun's aware he can't ignore the brightness of a person like that, it’s impossible.

renjun knows, if he ever told jeno he liked (loved, even.) donghyuck, he would let go of donghyuck in a heartbeat, in a millisecond. before the clock ticks again, the love of renjun’s life would be out of jeno’s arms and into his.

god forbid that happens. 

“j-jeno?” renjun squeaks, and he feels horrible for yelling at the kid who looks like he’s 2 seconds away from breaking out in tears. jeno looks up from staring at the broken glass on the floor, and he manages to speak without crying. “yeah?” his voice breaks, and so does renjun’s heart.

renjun just can’t leave the poor boy alone there so he stands up from the couch, walks towards jeno and grabs onto him, pulling him away from the shards of glass. he drags him to the couch and sits him down to check him up, first observing his hands, which thankfully is fine then his feet, which has a small cut on the bottom. 

he gets up and gets the band aid in the first aid kit then proceeds to disinfect his cut by dabbing cotton soaked in iodine then sticking the band aid in place. just because jeno owns donghyuck's heart, doesn’t mean renjun is heartless.

after aiding him, he sits down beside jeno and eyes him, saying nothing but just staring at him, trying to figure how to help him in any way. "jeno," renjun sighs, and jeno turns his head to look renjun directly in the eye with the saddest smile renjun has ever seen. "renjun, you don't have to help me out." before renjun can say anything, jeno stands up and walks back to his room, slightly limping and renjun knows he's trying his best not to cry.

<3

it's another restless night, with donghyuck in renjun's mind. tonight, his dreams aren't dreamy, they aren't pure giggles or innocent laughter, they aren't the ambiance of a cafe or the sweetness of making a wish on your birthday. 

this is far from a dream- dreams are supposed to be cotton candy and soft music in the background. 

a dream is renjun down on one knee, holding a box with a diamond ring inside with a bright smile on his face and tears threatening to spill. a dream is donghyuck speechless, tears streaming down his face and the brightest smile is on his face when he says,

_"yes!"_

_and with that, renjun watches as donghyuck shake in pleasure, then he falls on the pillow beneath him. his breathing is irregular, his chest still heaving heavily and his mouth is still glossy from licking into renjun's mouth so much._

_he looks beautiful, renjun thinks. his eyes are directed to his neck and it's littered with too many marks and renjun knows they're gonna get scolded for this, but he doesn't care- not when donghyuck looks like this._

_he craves the taste of donghyuck, of how he tasted of cigarettes and gummy bears when he granted renjun access in his mouth and he giggles to himself, donghyuck tastes exactly how he imagined him to be._

_renjun's hand is still down his shorts, and he teases him by moving his hand just the slightest and donghyuck's breath hitches, stopping a whine threatening to come out of his mouth. he glares at renjun, brows furrowed and he tries to slap renjun's arm, but he's out of energy._

_he looks adorable, and renjun leans in to kiss donghyuck one more time._

renjun's just about to take care of himself because fuck, that dream wasn't a dream- it was a fucking nightmare. 

everything's quiet except renjun's irregular breathing, whines scratching at his throat and whimpers that he lets out of his mouth, it's freedom once again but this is a different scene, he can't be calm unless he finds a way to get rid of the tightness in his shorts. 

he wishes he could have all the time in the world because although taking care of himself would be easy, the image of donghyuck underneath renjun looking like an angel glowing in the dark, and being able to kiss him so sweetly would be such a hard image to get out of his mind, god knows how long it would take. 

renjun wonders, has jeno ever seen the loveliest in this form? he probably has. 

the thought makes his blood boil. 

<3

renjun wants to punch the fuck out of jeno.

yes, he's small and jeno's probably out of his league considering how huge he is and donghyuck might murder him for doing so, but he would absolutely love to beat the shit out of him right now. 

renjun knows why this is happening, and he tries his best to understand and be compassionate but he just can't stand the lee jeno, moping around the dorms all day, replying to conversations with just a 'yes', 'no' or just a simple fucking hum- it drives renjun mad. 

but he's renjun, and renjun doesn't get mad. renjun stays calm and collected. 

huang renjun would spit on renjun.

he wishes to be able to burst into tears and yell at jeno for anything and everything, to be able to grab him by the collar and punch him until his arms lose strength. so many violent things he wishes he could do, but he won't. deep inside renjun, there's a tiny part of him that knows he's doing this for the sake of donghyuck's view of him only.

instead of being transparent, he keeps it inside him. he lets the anger bubble in his stomach as he cups jeno's face in his hands and bumps their noses together, he lets the venom crawl on his skin as he wraps his arms around him, he lets the poison scratch his flesh as he pats his back and tells him that everything will be fine. 

"jeno, c'mere," renjun lays on jeno's bed, patting on the space beside him, back facing the wall. jeno crawls in, sniffing from time to time as he snuggles into renjun's warmth while looking like a kicked puppy- renjun must admit, the raging boils of anger in his stomach dare quiets down.

when he brushes jeno's hair back, it feels like thorns. millions of them prickling and scratching on his skin, but he withstands it when he sees jeno's shoulders relax. his heart feels weirdly warm. 

"i just miss him, injun," jeno sighs, his voice nasally from crying oh so much over the loverboy. "i haven't seen him properly in so long. whenever i do see him, all i can do is give him a quick kiss and that's it." _oh, honey, you should be grateful that you're even allowed to cup his face and leave a quick kiss on his lips._ “i’m sorry for being so drained these days, i really am. i know you’re angry.” jeno’s voice breaks at the end of his sentence, and there goes the waterworks. renjun feels the slightest bit of sadness towards him. 

there’s this soft gesture donghyuck does whenever he comforts anyone. he holds their hand and brushes his thumb across their knuckles and it’s a universal thing, sure, but when he does it, there’s something magical in it. it’s like a drug- to renjun, at least. he can’t get enough of it and he’d give anything for it to last forever.

so renjun comforts jeno, but the way donghyuck does it to him. he holds his hand and gently brushes his thumb across his knuckles while his other wipes the warm tears rolling down his cheeks, humming a familiar tune. "hey, i know i don't sound like hyuck, but bear with me," jeno giggles a bit and nods his head, his messy hair brushing against renjun's cheek. "i'm trying my best."

"i know you are," jeno tells him, his voice raspy. "thank you." he snuggles closer into renjun's hold.

renjun doesn't know, but there's a shift.  
a shift so big and shocking that it feels like an earthquake in renjun’s heart. the grounds crack and break, the waters escaping and buildings crash and everything's a total mess. but in reality, everything is quiet and silent. it's the annoying sound of the air conditioner running and jeno sniffing, but why does it feel like the end of the world?

it's suffocating and confusing, but renjun withstands it. he breathes heavily as he threads his fingers through jeno's locks, who fell asleep with his arm wrapped around renjun's figure.

renjun falls asleep too.

<3

the nights roll by, and it's repetitive. 

they both don't know what happened and altered, but every night, either renjun or jeno find themselves in each other's beds.

it starts off with jeno crawling into renjun's bed each night to find warmth, to hug something to fall asleep and possibly to substitute donghyuck because god, he misses him so, so much- and renjun just lets him cuddle him with an aching heart. they both miss donghyuck.

each night ends with jeno in renjun's arms, but there came a day where jeno thought that renjun found him annoying, so he stopped going to him.  
renjun must admit, he couldn't sleep.  
it was his turn crawling into the other’s arms.

<3

“i think you can have a sip.”  
“no i can’t, i’m not legal.”  
“yeah, but like, just a sip.”  
“jaemin, no, it’s not allowed. shut up.”  
“no, you.”

jeno and renjun stare at the couple bickering. “did you just ‘no u’ jisung in real life?” renjun asks, a confused and bitter expression on his face, judging the two. “yeah, i did. what about it?” jisung sighs in defeat and picks up a glass of jaemin’s soju, sipping just a bit. “how’s it, jisungie?” he gags. “disgusting.”

two hours pass, and the legal members are shitfaced. jisung wants to cry.

they manage to go home, with jeno supporting renjun using all his willpower not to vomit on him and jisung constantly pushing drunk jaemin away who wants to sit on the pavement and make out in public at 2 am in the night. 

“ill leave renjun to you, hyung. please don’t vomit on him.” jisung sighs as he sits jaemin on their shared bed, taking off his shoes and stuffing his face with a pillow to make him stop whining about wanting to cuddle and make out. drunk jaemin is extremely clingy and sure, it’s endearing, but jisung would take any given chance to smack him.

_shift._

jeno lays renjun down on his bed, and he settles beside him, nuzzling into renjun’s neck. a routine. “jeno,” he groans, mustering up all his energy to slap him. jeno hums, hoisting himself up to face renjun, but he doesn’t notice how close they are until renjun wraps his arms around jeno’s neck, pulls him a bit closer and whispers, “have you ever kissed donghyuck?”

jeno’s confused, but he replies. “yeah, i have…. why?’ he blinks and suddenly, renjun’s in a different light. his eyes are glossy, there’s a smirk on his face, but why does he look so miserable? “renjun, are you cryi-”

“give me a taste of him, jeno.” renjun’s voice breaks, and they’re both so lost. drunk, alone, teenagers. so many things could go wrong. “kiss me.” 

“renjun, what?” jeno’s confusion just rises, but why can’t he seem to pull away from renjun’s loose grip? 

it all happened too fast. renjun felt like crying, his throat hurt and he couldn’t breathe properly- so, he pulls dongh- jeno down and slots their lips together. 

it hurts so, so bad and renjun knows he’s gonna hate himself after this, but he can’t let this go. give me a taste of donghyuck, let me taste him. let me know if he tastes like cigarettes and gummy bears like how i dreamed of. does he smile into the kiss? so many questions- too many questions.

he kisses him roughly, seeking for the countless answers he knows he’d never get to find. it’s more teeth than lips and tongue, and he doesn’t get why jeno isn’t pulling away. why isn’t he pushing him away? jeno makes his way down to renjun’s neck and he can’t help but think about donghyuck in place of jeno.

jeno kisses his jaw and he doesn’t miss- his aching heart on the verge of breaking doesn’t miss the way jeno whines, “donghyuck,” renjun smiles sadly, they’re the same person. jeno’s not kissing renjun- it’s donghyuck. renjun isn’t holding jeno- it’s donghyuck. renjun and jeno are both missing and lost. no one else but donghyuck on their minds. oh, lee donghyuck, what a drug you are.

they both continue like that, renjun grabbing onto jeno’s hair as he bites his lips, letting himself whine out donghyuck’s name as jeno bites and sucks on his neck and collarbone, and he doesn’t mind that jeno’s doing the same, he groans donghyuck’s name when renjun uses his tongue too much when he kisses him. 

there’s not a trace of love in this. it’s desperation and lust, it feels so ugly, but so good.

“i miss him.” jeno sighs in between kissing him. “i know, me too.” renjun replies, then dives back in to bask in the moment of pretending the one he’s holding and kissing is donghyuck.

this is a fairy tale that starts with a ‘once upon a time,’ but does not end with a ‘happily ever after.’

the next page is ripped. 


End file.
